Thank You

Dear Brother –
I just wanted to send you a thank you note for the wonderful birthday dinner you cooked for me yesterday. The food was fabulous and we all had a good time laughing at the fact DQ could eat a cob of sweet corn faster than any adult. After all the years of you not even recognizing I had a birthday, this was a really nice gesture.

It was also very thoughtful that you helped DQ with her present for me. This morning after breakfast, I went downstairs to do a load of laundry. Like usual, she started to follow me down the stairs. About half way down, she said “yuck”. I went to see what she was talking about and saw a brown skid mark with corn kernels going down 3 of the steps. That’s right... She FILLED her diaper with corn and then slid down the stairs leaving a trail for me to clean up. What a great birthday present. The best part is –this was just minutes before I had to leave for work. Needless to say, I was over 15 minutes late because I had to clean the kid and then carpet.

Happy Birthday to me…
Your Royal Highness

An apology letter

Dear Neighbors -

Please accept my apology for the what you saw in front of our house last Saturday evening. It started out very innocent. It was super hot outside all day so the girls decided to take a dip in the pool to cool off before bed. Princess begged me to put on my swimsuit and swim with them. I reluctantly agreed, thinking I would just sit down in the pool and no one would see me. Like I said - it was hot outside and I thought it would feel good.

The girls started playing with their little squirt guns and shooting the King (who was not in his swim suit). The king got a hold of one of them and started squirting me in the face repeatedly. I was getting a little annoyed so I started splashing him. He finally disappeared and left the girls and I in peace. A few minutes later he appeared with the Super Soaker XXL 5000. I have no idea where he dug this gun out of, but he found it somewhere in our house. Our little baby squirt guns were no match for this beast.

What happened next is when things became out of control. We were all running around the yard ith buckets and squirt guns trying to soak each other. I know we live in a nice neighborhood and no one wants to see an overweight mom run around the house in a swim suit, but it happened. Luckily I finally came to my senses when one of you actually stopped your vehicle in front of our house to watch the show.

Again, I doapologize, but I can't guarantee it won't happen again... We had a lot of fun :)

Sincerely,
The Royal Highness

A letter to the queen

Dear Drama Queen,

You know I love you to pieces. You have a crooked little smirk of a smile that just melts my heart. I love it when you get excited over the little things - seeing a dog, swinging, jumping, taking your pants off by yourself... It also makes me so proud you are starting to get interest in potty training. Tonight you pooped in the potty and wore your big girl underpants to the store without an accident! Great job!

But, DQ? You are not even 2 yet, but I feel like we have been going through the "terrible twos" for over a year now. I know you are just advanced for your age, but the screaming and tantrums makes your mommy crazy. So knock it off. I know you get frustrated when you can't do something, but you don't need to throw a fit. Let me help you. And can you work on your listening skills? I know you can understand me when I am talking to you. Please just do what I say and move on to something else. You don't have to say NO all the time. There is no reason to scream and cry every time I leave the room. I know you love me and want to be with me all the time, but sometimes I just want to use the bathroom by myself. I will be right back I promise. You don't do this with daddy. Please don't do it with me either.

Also, please do not fight with your sister. Can you just try to get along? No more hitting or pushing. When you do stuff like that both of you end up crying. Wouldn't you rather just play together?

And while we are talking, let's take a moment to review table manners. When you try something you do not like, please do not take it out of your mouth and put it on my plate. Mommy doesn't want it either. When you finish eating, do not throw you plate on the floor. I don't don't want to sweep the floor every single night. Just leave what you didn't eat on your plate and I will take care of it when I am finished. If you food is too hot, make sure you blow on it to cool it off. Spitting on your food just makes it soggy and it grosses the rest of us out. I am really proud that you are now drinking out of a big girl glass, but please remember to swallow your milk. Do not spit it out of your mouth. I know it feels cool to have milk run down your face, but it is really messy.

One more thing. Please limit the amount of time you spend picking your nose. I understand it is a great way to past the time, but it is not very lady like. If you do pick your nose and dig out a prize, I don't need to see it. I am sure you are proud of your find, but please just keep it to your self. Or wipe it on your daddy, that would be okay also.

We are going on vacation next week and I am worried about these issues while we are away from home. There is going to be a lot to do and lots of people around. Please be on your best behavior. You are going to have a lot of fun. It's okay to take a rest when you get tired. You do not need to keep up with the older kids.

I know we don't spend very much one on one time together and I will try to change that. Maybe we can make a deal. If you scream and cry less, I will be more willing to take you places. Sound good?

Just some things for you to think about.

Love,

The Royal Highness